THE COMPUTER PICKED A GUY

The contest is over. Stop asking.

I fed all the names into the computer. It made a grinding noise that I didn’t like, the screen flickered green, and then it spit out a name.

Aiden Paxton.

Congratulations, Aiden. You are the new Resident Bowler of Bob-E-Lanes Still.

I don’t know if you’re good at bowling. The computer didn’t ask for your average. It just picked you. So if you throw gutter balls, that’s on the algorithm, not me.

WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

1. Aiden: Check your email. You have 24 hours to reply before I assume you are a robot or a government spy and I give the prize to the next guy.
2. Everyone Else: You didn’t win. That’s life. You can still come bowl, but you have to pay for it like a normal person.

Aiden, bring your own shoes if you have them. I just waxed the lanes and I don’t want scuffs.

We start filming the commercials next week. Don’t be late.